The Danger of Enabling

Deception surrounds our lives in many forms. A deceptive appearance can be disguised in a wardrobe of fine linen with the semblance of loving care. Loving care that turns out to be a deceptive barrier in our battle with addiction. Love is the intention, but is also the disguise to a recipient and or donor of enabling. 

Current statistics record high percentages of young adults who experience drug overdose are recipients of enabling. As we ponder this position, we can come to a conclusion that enabling can be a serious hindrance to addiction recovery, even to the point of someone’s demise.

Although family and friends often have good intentions, family and friends who enable their loved ones in their battle with addiction are actually making it harder to break from the bonds of addiction. Allowing the individual to avoid consequences and releasing the person from having to take responsibility for his or her behavior is the result of enabling. Someone else is there to fix, solve, or make the consequences go away. In reflecting upon this, the act of fixing, solving and receiving consequences are actually the strengths in the addiction recovery plan, which encourages growth. Taking these things away makes for a weak recovery plan.

An example of enabling is taking care of the loved one’s responsibilities when they fall into addiction. This can entail cleaning their room, paying bills, permitting rent free residence, or even allowing them to use the family car.

The family member truly cares for their loved one and wants to do all they can to help, without fully realizing the negative outcomes of enabling. This can actually be a recipe for death. The best therapy for those in addiction is to allow them to experience the consequences, and to enforce their responsibilities, therefore encouraging personal growth and animation. 

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11).

God’s word frees you from the idols of the heart by exposing deceptions. And the deception of enabling is a dangerous idol. Yes, this too is an idol of the heart coming from the donor, who is looking to provide salvation and deliverance through their actions of enabling.

“A man of great anger will bear the penalty, For if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again.” (Prov. 19:19)

So, we can put it this way; enabling an addict is surrounding them in convenience and comfort that encourages trouble-free continuation in the sin of addiction, while the enabler feels a sense of satisfaction by the action of external works of caring.  The enabler is deceived into thinking that they are protecting and helping only to find out later that this is opposite of the corrective help that is warranted. 

Let’s turn to the power of God’s Word focusing on a passage from Ephesians that exposes the dangers of enabling, while guiding us towards better counseling. 

 “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not be partakers with them.  For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.  And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.  But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.” (Ephesians 5:6-14)

First, we can set a tone of caution while working with your loved one. “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience, therefore do not be partakers with them.”

When dealing with an addict, we are most likely confronted with deception.  We must practice caution with awareness that a sinner is capable of deception in the form of persuasion and lies. Be on the alert for potential manipulation. Stand firm in presenting the rules and terms of their treatment plan. 

For example, I have counseled a 21-year-old male who is in active addiction with a benzodiazepine (Xanax). I approached him with a suggested treatment plan with his response being, “I do not need treatment, I can taper off the Xanax myself.”  Well, that is not completely true and can be deceiving. Clinical help is needed when tapering off any benzodiazepine due to possible death occurring if not utilizing proper clinical and medical care while detoxing. I did not fold to his suggestion and enforced treatment.

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light” 

We look to this verse for the understanding that all people struggle with sin, not just the loved one, but also you as the one being tempted to enable.  This sets the tone of compassion and understanding towards your loved one as we journey through our efforts to help and heal without enabling.

“For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.”

If the addict’s behavior is not in line with the Word of God, and biblical fruit is not apparent, (goodness, humility, love, joy, peace etc.), then this is a warning to encourage one to walk cautiously around the addict. Also, this is a positive sign in that it gives the counselor direction where to work with the counselee and to implement the correct verses for healing and transformation.

Personally, I know through my own lived experience the wickedness that goes on in addiction. Our responsibility is to counsel the family member with empirical knowledge in preparation to identify and understand what behaviors are coming. And when we see it, it is imperative to honestly call it out, therefore discouraging enabling.  

Let’s look at the next verses. “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.” 

Be cautious not to be influenced in any way towards the darkness of addiction. It is important to understand that we are in the presence of a person who is struggling with the sin of addiction which can be an influence on our souls to bend towards sinning or towards helping them to continue in that sin by enabling. By studying God’s word, we are conditioned to expose the sin, while being cautious not to walk in the same.

Therefore He says: “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.”

As we interact with our loved ones who are caught in addiction, we must remember that we cannot deliver them, only Christ can. Our hope is to expose our loved ones to the light of Christ and His word. Only in Christ can one who is asleep to the gospel and dead in their sin be revived. As we look to Christ, there is always hope that he will enlighten the darkened hearts of those we love. Therefore they don’t need us to fix their problems for them. They need us to point them to the only one who can take their dead heart and give it life.

When the sin of addiction is exposed, and at the same time we discourage enabling, our friends can be guided towards proper recovery. The end goal is to point to the one who can change lives. This one who can transform and change our whole being without enabling is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.